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Hey everybody, welcome to Meathead’s Web Hole Forum. I’m Dave. Hi, I’m Ug. Wow. You smell unusually terrible today, Ug. Is that a new cologne? I slept in a dumpster last night. That was my second guess. So, why did you sleep in a dumpster? I got locked out of the house. How did you get locked out? The owners came back from their vacation. I hate when that happens. It’s okay. I’ve gotten accustomed to the smell of decaying garbage. It’s pretty revolting, to be quite honest. I will probably vomit soon. Don’t let me stop you. Oh well. Maybe later. Speaking of vomit, have we gotten any more emails since the last episode? We got over five hundred of them. Wow! We’re getting popular! Unfortunately, the vast majority were ads for male enhancement pills and Nigerian bank scams. Hey, it’s the thought that counts. I don’t think that saying applies in this situation. Cool. Here’s an email from Philip Richardsontron from Africa 2. Where the hell is Africa 2? It’s between India 7 and Mongolia 46. I can’t keep track of all these new countries and continents. Geography is stupid. Listen, Philip. If your friends are really worth spending time with, they won’t require you to freebase PCP with them. That’s right, Dave. True friends will respect you no matter what drug you choose to freebase. Or even if you choose more traditional methods of drug consumption. Exactly. Using a gravity bong is just as cool as freebasing PCP. You could even drink massive quantities of alcohol. That never goes out of style. It’s always a good feeling when we can make a difference in a young person’s life. It almost makes up for all the horrible things we do when we’re not working on this show. Yeah. Almost. This email is from radersfan223. Of course, we always have openings for interns here. The question was for me, Ug. Sorry. I was just– Yeah, I know what you were doing. You’d love to have more interns here, wouldn’t you. radersfan, you’re more than welcome to intern here at the show, as long as you don’t mind getting eaten by Ug. It only happened once. It’s happened 23 times. Well, maybe if you’d put something to eat in the break room other than Cool Ranch Doritos. There’s nothing wrong with Cool Ranch Doritos. They’re delicious, filling, and packed with vitamins. So are interns. Stay far away, radersfan223. The last thing we need is another wrongful death lawsuit. Oh, here’s an email directed to both of us. Oh boy! Jennifer from socal writes: Well, Jennifer, Ug and I share a special relationship based on mutual fear. I’m constantly afraid that Ug will kill and eat me as soon as I turn my back on him, and Ug is afraid of being unemployed. It’s hard to find work, with my background. I’m also addicted to prescription pain killers, so that helps. In all honesty, Jennifer, Dave isn’t that bad of a boss. It’s not as bad as when I was a roadie for Nine Inch Nails. I would hope not. I can deal with the Cool Ranch Doritos. They really are delicious. This one is from Gee, who lives in your basement. My basement? Well, I don’t have one. I should probably call the police. Gee writes: I don’t know. I’d say it’s a toss-up between parasailing and crying myself to sleep every night. Ug also enjoys playing Connect Four while on acid. Not anymore. Not since what happened at Ricky’s house that one time. Oh, right, I forgot about that. Did they ever find his head? I’d rather not talk about it, if that’s okay with you. Parasailing is fun. Yeah. I think we can fit in one more email before your stench sends me into uncontrollable fits of dry heaving. This email comes from Ben, who lives on Mount Real. Wow! Fan mail! I guess. Do you think I should get an earring, Ug? That’s a personal decision that only you can make, Dave. I think it might boost our ratings a little. We might even hit the double digits. You know who else wears an earring. Howie Mandel. Dave. What? Oh. Sorry. I blacked out there for a minute. What were we just talking about? You were just about to wrap things up so we can go home. Are you going back to your dumpster? Can I crash at your place instead? No. Then I guess I am. Well, spray some Lysol on yourself or something before you come back to work. I’ll see what I can do. That’s going to do it for tonight. I need to go outside and get some fresh air before I pass out. See you next time here at Meathead’s Web Hole Forum, and keep sending in your questions so we have things to talk about. Well I hope that someday buddy, we have peace in our lives. Together or apart. Alone or with our wives. And we can stop our whoring, and pull the smiles inside. And light it up forever, and never go to sleep. My best unbeaten brother, this isn’t all I see.

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