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-Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up
for your host tonight, Hasan Minhaj! [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -Thank you so much. Thank you.
Please take a seat. Everyone, welcome to “A Little
Late with Lilly Singh.” I am your host, Hasan Minhaj! [ Cheers and applause ] Happy Halloween, everybody. Now, I know you guys know
we’re deep into spooky season, and there’s nothing I love more than staying inside and watching
a scary movie, okay? Okay, I can’t do the hand motion
the whole time. Hasan, I don’t know how you
do this. It gets exhausting. Now, whether you’re a fan
of horror movies or not, everyone has that one movie
they watched as a kid that has scared them for life. It’s like a rite of passage. This guy knows what’s up. [ Laughter ] I remember this one movie
I saw as a kid that’s still burned
into my brain. It’s about
this creepy little boy that tortures
an unemployed gay couple. You guys know
what I’m talking about? He burns them, electrocutes
them, sticks them with nails. What’s it called again?
Oh, yeah, “Home Alone.” [ Laughter ] I’m not gonna lie.
Every once in a while, I’ll still see a movie
that truly freaks me out. And suddenly,
everything is scary. Like, I’ll be home alone,
and I’ll get so scared that I’ll start talking to God. You know what
I’m talking about, right? But I’m not super religious. It’s like when I don’t talk
to someone for a long time and then I text them
and ask for a favor, so I feel really guilty. “Hey, God, what’s up?
Sorry it’s been a while. Yo, but if you could make sure
I don’t get murdered right now, that’d be swell.
Miss you. Mwah.” [ Laughter ] As I’ve gotten older,
I’ve come to realize so many horror movies
are truly just bad. Like, a lot of these films
look super cheap. Usually, that’s just because they have to spend
half of their budget on acting classes for the cast. [ Laughter ] It is what it is. And people in horror movies
are so dumb, yo. [ Exclaiming indistinctly ]
[ Applause ] What’s wrong with you? In a typical horror movie,
character gets a flat tire. But instead of fixing it, they
go hang out in a haunted cabin, then get killed off one by one until someone finds
an ancient book written in Latin explaining how
to expel the ghost. Let me get this straight. You can suddenly
read a dead language, but you couldn’t be bothered
to get out your car manual and fix a flat tire? [ Cheers and applause ] And the outfits killers wear
in horror movies make no sense, yo. Take for example Freddy Krueger. Looks like your cousin
who pops every pimple at a Christmas party. [ Laughter ] The hook guy from “I Know
What You Did Last Summer.” Looks like Paddington Bear
in a dark room. [ Laughter ] And then Jason wears
a hockey mask, which made me think, yo,
maybe Jason is Canadian. [ Laughter ] But he did murder
a bunch of people, which seems like much more
of an American thing. [ Laughter, applause ] And from a moviemaking
standpoint, horror is my favorite genre. I’m fascinated by the tactics
the director uses to scare people. I’m talking the jump-scares,
the music, the way they build
the tension and suspense. But if I’m being real, all you
really need to do to scare me is tell me I missed my period. That is terrifying… said Hasan Minhaj. [ Cheers and applause ] And it’s always —
[ Sputters ] [ Laughter ] Hasan, I love you. And it’s always disappointing
when a new horror movie does really well
at the box office and then is followed by
a bunch of bad sequels. -Yes.
-Yes. -The last franchise
to serve that much cheap crap to the public is McDonald’s. [ Audience laughs, groans ] And at least
when that clown kills you, it’s delicious. [ Laughter, applause ] I feel like some movies are
just lazy with their deaths. Like another couple murdered
during sex? Please don’t. Yo, I’m already scared
enough during sex because my Indian parents told
me every time I have an orgasm, a hand will pop out of
the ground and drag me to hell. Don’t need to see all that. But even if the movie is bad,
going to the movie theater is the best way
to watch scary movies. You always get one person
who’s like, “Don’t go in there!” So the only person dumber than the character about
to walk into a creepy basement is the person in the audience
telling them not to. They can’t hear you, fam! Geez! And, fellas, fellas, listen up. There are studies that prove couples are more likely
to hook up after watching scary movies,
not comedies. So, guys, if you want
to turn your girl on, take her to a scary movie. And if you want
to make her laugh, send her a [bleep] pic.

100 thoughts on “Horror Movies Are So Dumb

  1. She needs better writers, just cause she hires females and POC doesn’t mean they’re funny. Hire GOOD writers not writers based off skin color and sex. You just aren’t funny

  2. #LillySingh is the best host of late night television in the United States of America! She's the best 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤

  3. Lilly Singh ain't funny, it would be more entertaining if she had a crown outfit and move her hands without saying a word

  4. Theres only one thing worse than bad comedy, this shit. I watched to the end to give her a chance. She really didn't deserve it. Sucked, so bad.

  5. Bruh, she’s just embarrassing herself. Does she actually think this shit is funny? Wonder how much I’d get paid to sit in the audience and pretend to laugh.

  6. his is CCP State media level garbage, and to think my grandparents family got slaughtered to end up coming back to this. Pathetic, I would say burn in hell but you already are.
    Happy cinders.

  7. The world is tired of your woke bs. YOU'RE NOT OPPRESSED, YOU'RE A MILLIONAIRE! You will make me laugh when your horrendous show is CANNED! The fact that you were given a late night show is proof that liberalism is a disease! #pissoff

  8. Lilly the joke stealing, thin skinned cunt. Fuck of ur racist anti white joke are piss and ur about as funny as a poke in the eye way a shitty stick. Fuck off and get back into the kitchen woman

  9. Is it this upload she makes a joke about white people .. or men? Are there any videos of white people.. or men being the punchline?

  10. Lilly honey I loved that intro music beat,🎵🎧😍please make a music video🎥🎦 with that beat,it will make you good money🤑💰

  11. "People in horror movies are so dumb yall!"… the audience busts out laughing and clapping. ??? What a knee slapper! They have to be using a laugh track. This is probably the worst comedy i've ever seen.

  12. Oh my ..
    lol..
    People : ew lily isnt funny !!
    Same people in other video: ew lily isnt funny !!
    Same people in another video : lily isnt funny !!
    I mean….why tf r u guys watching it lol.and it's not even a constructive criticism that's hatred.
    U guys are dumber than the people in horror movies.💀

  13. The vids with hassan and/or lilly dressed as hassan in the thumbnail has so many dislikes. Lol I guess the racists can’t handle having 2 brown references at one go

  14. I don't love her anymore because she thinks that being a "bisexual brown woman" is a personality trait. Like she literally mentions it every single time. She didn't grow with her audience, her content is directed towards pre-teens. And the fact that she promotes "one love" but makes stereotypical jokes attacking white men all the time. She has a night show, but with jokes that'll make only pre-teens or teens laugh. I used to find her funny when i was like,10 or something, not anymore.
    Not hating on her, just saying that she shouldn't use her sexuality and race as a personality trait, and make the same old jokes. It's not funny anymore.i used to love her alot, but, i got tired of all the repetitive jokes on white men.

  15. The whole audience is just 30 year old borderline obese white woman who bought these god-awful show tickets using money from their husbands’ pay raise.

  16. Lily dont read the comments on this section, imma telling you when they say your jokes suck thats when them are getting better so the haters retaliating

  17. The worst horror movie scenario is a guy stuck in a dark creepy room and there’s a clown and they walk toward the dark side.

  18. Hi bearded lady. New viewer here. I'm no late night show expert, but usually the host tells funny jokes during the monologue.

  19. I like horror. The fear, the anguish, the sense of dread at what I'm going to witness next… That's why I watch clips from this Late Show.

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