Do you know how it feels to wake up from a beautiful dream or maybe waking up in someone else’s dream? Ashley , Your mom called me today, saying that you didn’t pick up her call. Let me ask u something. Your mother has suffered in her life as much as u have, hasn’t she? Whatever you say, What you are doing to your mother cannot be justified ASHLEY : And do you know what the worst part is Its when you are being loved , and given hope , but just to vanish into thin air Leaving you broken and empty . And you are lost Sister, could you keep that book aside for the next time? Ok sister Roy : hello Ashley , do you remember me ? It was actually my first time to that hospital . Came to show my mothers report . What happened to her ? Nothing much. She fainted and since she had BP and all we took her to a nearby hospital They referred her to medical college. We saw the doctor and he said she was fine. Was she with you?
No, we live a little far away. And she’s a bit reluctant to take leave. What about your parents? Actually, I’m in a hurry. I’ll see you later Ashley , isn’t this the book you asked for at the counter It’s ok, you can read it and give me back the next time we meet. Ah good. You are a quick reader it seems And I thought it would have been hard for you to find this place.
Oh By the way , where do you live Roy?
I’ve rented a room near my office. Do you live with your parents? No, Mom is in Kochi. What about your parents? My father died long back, only my mom’s with me. Is your mother alright?
Yeah, she’s fine sometimes she acts sick so that I’ll go to her. What do you do?
-I’m a research student. Ok. Literature? Ok. Literature? Why did you ask so?
Because I saw you at the library that day. You were there that day but you are a doctor right I’m actually doing a research in your field.
Medicine? Yeah, medicine. There’s a govt. funded program at DHRM
I’m actually doing a research in your field.
Medicine? for the deaf children called Shruthitharangam
-Oh, cochlear implant. Yeah, cochlear implant. I work there in the audiology dept.
Yeah, I’ve heard of it. How’s your project going? Ashley : I was falling in love with solitude All I wanted was to stay away from people From people who knew me From people who knew my past But I couldn’t stand it anymore
May be that is why I let him into my world Suppose a person’s blind from birth someone donates him eyes, the transplant’s a success and he’s starts to see but nothing makes sense to him because he has never seen anything before So what do we do? Show and teach him everything from scratch The colors , the people , everything. So is a child with a hearing implant
The colors , the people , everything. So is a child with a hearing implant . Exactly, we’ve to start from the beginning, go to the genesis The sounds which a normal person should have heard but this child could not But the first sounds we hear , wont it be different for different people That’s the whole point Ashley. See, just think, Let it be me or you , the first sounds we heard , its almost the same Not almost , its the same . We are in fact trying to simulate the same Let me say. Isn’t it our mother’s sound we hear first? But then every mother has got a different sound right Amidst everything that made me feel lonely Everything that led me astray I was learning That I could still smile That I could be happy That I could fall in love again And may be he was right
The first sounds we hear , it had something to do with my life Your mom called me today also saying that you didn’t pick up her call. Why are you being so adamant . After all , she is your mother Roy knows about your family? No May be I believed in spite of the mess my life had been He would stay with me May be I was not falling in love with him I was falling in love with myself My mom always says like mobile phones in fact separate us The feel that you get when we talk in person , you wont get that over phone So no issues if I throw it , right ? Do you know something? Like what would be that a person talks about the most? It would be the ones he thinks about the most Is that so ? don’t u think? What do you think about the most? Don’t know . But I know what you think about the most.
But there was something in him Your mom
something which made me feel so close to him But then , I have never heard about your family My case is different from yours Roy So are our mothers Things are not the same You can tell me Not today , not now Now I already feel better And he was making me feel better making me feel safe
And it really hurts to miss him Thats why I came this far to see you doctor But what can I do in this case Ashley and the fact that you came this far means
he was more than a friend to you But the fact you dont have a photo or a contact implies he is a total stranger . Other than for this book I dont know how people fall in love with strangers and to his mother . As if I knew them for ages But after he came , things were totally different And that’s why I decided to tell him Everything Tell me Roy , I have got some family issues something that you or your mother can never probably accept I am an illegitimate child I know nothing about my father .
I havent asked her And it really hurts I was helpless about it So I stayed aloof I have heard stories about myself
from people who knew nothing about me And I let out my frustrations on my mother Ashley , do you know whats the first sound we hear ? Roy
– this might have something to do with your life I don’t know Roy… I Before anything else , anything from outside There’s something we hear . So clearly Something that comes from within our mother The sounds of her heartbeats The first sounds we hear Ashley can I ask you something Do you hate your mother Its not that I hate her Roy She is the only one I ve got in this world But it was her mistake that ruined my life You can never relate .
On how hard it is to live like this Though small , you have got a family But its not the same with me At times , even I feel stranded Ashley . And then I ll just go to my mom Sit close to her . I wont say a word . So does she And in that silence , I can hear her heartbeats .
And I feel safe again But how can anyone accept a past like mine Do you think your mother will accept me ? May be it was this apprehension
that made my life so lonely I dont know how to explain it
But he was that important to me So are you Ashley You are that special to me In fact , you sustain my world And you know something , my mom is different different than what you think . So don’t worry about that but Roy atleast to get over this fear would you take me to your mother? He didnt take you home , did he ? That night was the last time I saw him hello I am fine Is this your Roy ? yes I never wanted this to happen Ashley His name is not Roy He is Mathew And yes I know him He was my patient , three years back A disturbing condition it was , Dissociative Fugue its called He had lost his mother in an accident , years back May be it was that shock on witnessing the incident or it may have been the emptiness henceforth ,
we dont know He couldnt accept that loss And his mind began to manipulate things And it began deceiving him Making him believe that his mother was still around
And that overpowered his reality And he began living in his own world No strings , no feelings As if he didnt exist But why me ? In a place where no one knows anything about him He finds out a stranger , and builds a world
with his mother around them And when he knows his story wont prevail anymore He just walks away , and forgets everything Then a new place , a new person And a new story All he wanted was to create and sustain a world A world where his mother existed
A second person to believe in his story to believe he has a mother You only meant that much Ashley It was not to hurt you neither an obsession with you It was an obsession for the need of a person
to believe in his story ROY : you sustain my world When you told me about Roy He never came to my mind Not even as a remote possibility Because in fact I thought he was cured
– where did he go doctor ? What if we can trace him ? Ashley Dont go after him I accept it , he was lying to me the whole time But I can still accept him But that was Roy , he doesn’t exist anymore And for Mathew , you are a total stranger Its the disease Ashley. His mind makes him forget everything
including you He wont be able to recollect The people or the incidents that occured during the fugue state Roy , Ashley , everything Like a dream , which he can never recollect I have always respected teaching as a profession
may be its because my mother is a teacher oh she was a teacher , which school actually ? Mother